Part of Your World
by crackbabby
Summary: Of three things I was absolutely certain. First: Edward Cullen was a mermaid. Second: There was some part of him, and I wasn't sure how potent that part might be, that wanted my guinea pig. Third: I was absolutely and irrevocably weirded out.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE: FORKS, JET SKIS, AND TOO MANY SIMILES

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Forks sucked.

Really sucked.

Like set the vacuum on high, turn the dial to that picture of the really long carpet sucked.

All it did was rain rain rain every day. In fact it was so flooded that my pop Charlie spent his weekends fishing over the lost city of La Push. Legend says that the ground below the water used to be controlled by werewolves. Now it was just littered with houseboats and fisherman in tiny lifeboats.

On really bad days, the water level would rise all the way to the bottom of the school. Forks High sat on top of an overly green hill on the edge of town. Charlie's houseboat on the other hand was constantly afloat, like most of the town.

As a result everyone in Forks loved to swim.

I wasn't very fashionable, but I'd be damned before I'd be caught wearing a wet suit to school. Those things were too hard to get on, and a low maintenance girl like myself couldn't possibly find time in the morning to wiggle into some rubber.

I'd been hiding inside with Felicia, my guinea pig, for a few days now. His little squeaks told me that he hated it here too. But now it was Monday and it was September, and I had to go to school.

I put Felicia in his cage with a kiss to his whiskers and yanked a raincoat over my head.

Hopping on the old red jet ski that Charlie bought for me, I started the engine and almost immediately fell off into the shallow water. Damn clumsiness. A doctor in Phoenix had diagnosed me with something called "not being able to walk in a straight line", but I don't think he knew what he was talking about.

I managed to pull up to a small tree and lassoed my jet ski in place before trodding through the shallow water up to the school.

At least until I pull into what used to be a pothole. Then I just doggy paddled to the bottom of the hill.

I twisted my hair into a messy bun, shaking off like a dog, and started to look around for someone friendly. The zoo of people were all different, but seemed to blend together into one amorphous blob of boring. One blonde boy hopped in eager circles around my feet like a chihuahua. A short, black haired boy had blemishes on his face like a toad. Two girls screamed gossip at each other like angry parrots.

But there was one that stood out more than the others. He was more beautiful than a Phoenix sunset, the hair atop his head as wild as lion and his frowning lips pursed like an awkwardly attractive fish. My head was starting to hurt from all these animal similes. I needed to watch less Discovery Channel.

His black t-shirt clung tightly to his muscles, as if it had been spackled on with a paintbrush. He wore expensive jeans and a pair of green chucks. He was absolutely gorgeous, perfect in every way.

Except he had what looked like a fish tail sticking out the bottom of one of his pant legs. The other flopped empty and limp at his side.

Whatever, it didn't matter.

Before I could get a closer look, he had rounded the corner and moved out of my sight. I stared at where he'd been for a while until someone bit my ankle, making me jump and subsequently faceplant in the middle of the hallway.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry!" the chihuahua cried with a deep frown. "I didn't see you there?"

"Did you bite my leg?"

"No, I just bumped into you. Anyway, I'm Mike Newton, captain of the swim team! Welcome to Forks High School!"

"Um, thanks?" I asked, rubbing my leg where I could have _sworn_ I'd been bit. If I looked hard enough, I could even imagine what looked like red teeth marks.

Mike continued to ramble for a little bit, but I couldn't stop staring at where Lionhead had been standing. You know what someone is drunk at a party and making a total jerk of themselves but you can't look away? It was like that. But good instead of funny.

"Uh Bella?"

"What?" I asked. "Wait, how do you know my name?"

"Everybody knows your name. Didn't you see the flyers?" He pointed to the wall and there were, in fact, several multicolored flyers with my name and picture on it. God, Forks was weird.

"Those are… wow."

"Yeah. What were you staring at?"

This was my chance. Mikehuahua could tell me where I could find Lionhead, and then I could figure out why I was so interested in him. Who am I kidding? That boy was one hunky piece of Adonis. I wonder if he'd purr if I pet his hair…

"BELLA!"

"Oh! Sorry Mike. I was just wondering if you could tell me who the boy in the black shirt was? The one with the crazy red hair and the weird leg?"

In a second, Mike went from chihuahua to aging bassett hound. His energy disappeared and his face got stern and kind of droopy.

"Oh, that's Edward Cullen. He's a freak."

"Why?"

"His whole family is weird. You know how we all like to swim?" Well, duh. "Well they _really_ like to swim. But they won't ever swim around us. I hear that they don't even wear bathing suits. They go swimming over La Push in onesie pajamas."

"What?"

"Yeah. I told you. Weird. Can I show you to your first class?" Oh lovely. The chihuahua was back.

Mikehuahua talked the entire way to English with the screaming parrots right behind us. And all I could think about was whether or not Lionhead's onesie had a buttflap.

Forks sucked.

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TO BE CONTINUED….


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO: FISHSTICKS AND GIRLY SIGHS

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So it turns out the parrots had names.

They were Jessica Stanley and Lauren Mallory. I had several classes with Jessica, and she seemed okay. The toad was following me around like some very small paparazzi, and Jessica told him very firmly to leave me alone, after posing for a few pictures of course.

She chattered on for three straight classes about Forks and how well the rowing team had done last year, even though the teachers obviously heard her and asked her more than once to stop. I distracted myself by drawing pictures of Felicia in the corners of my notebook, sometimes adding speech bubbles or a monocle. It made me giggle. Jessica always thought I was laughing at her jokes, so it worked out.

But the weirdest thing would happen whenever Mikehuahua would jump for my attention or look wistfully at my ankles. Jessica's right eye would get kind of squinty and her lips would purse so tightly that they turned white. I didn't understand why. I was only interested in Lionhead... I mean finding out more about Lionhead. Felicia was the only man in my life and that was fine with me.

Finally the lunch bell rang. My stomach growled angrily at me. I told it to shut up.

I was a little surprised when I saw the server, a portly woman named Mrs. Cope. She sported a yellow rain jacket and matching hat, and her chin had those random whiskers that old ladies get sometimes. The special was fresh fishsticks, caught by the lunch lady herself during second period. It was strange but admittedly delicious.

Jessica squawked loudly when I stepped into the cafeteria, flapping her arm toward her table, so I joined her. Her friends seemed... well not awful. And at least this was better than sitting with Mike.

Oh, I guess we were sitting with Mike.

He plopped down in the seat next to me and immediately starting yapping.

"So, Bella, how were your first classes?"

"Um.. Fine?"

"Did you have Mr. Mason yet?"

"I think-"

"Let me tell you, that guy is such an ass. Last year I wrote him a ten page epic about the role of hallucinogens in _Hamlet_ for my final essay and he failed me! I couldn't even believe it. My mother wanted me to storm back and demand a better grade, but the rotor was broken on our speedboat so I had no way to get here."

"Uh-"

"Yeah, I know. He's terrible. It's a bummer we don't have any classes together yet."

Mike finally took a moment to breath and simultaneously take a bite of his fried fish sandwich. It didn't work well for him, and he choked for a moment before swallowing it down with some water.

I looked across the table to Jessica, but her eye was twitching like crazy and it freaked me out, so I glanced around the cafeteria instead.

I wonder where Lionhead was?

Just then the doors flung open like a sign from God, or maybe like a scene from a really cool action movie. Lionhead stood, just as beautiful and disheveled as I remembered, surrounded by four equally beautiful people. The brooding group hobbled over to a table across the room, not even looking at the other students as they passed. All of them seemed to have that same weird leg. Maybe they needed to buy new pants.

"Watching the Cullens, Bella?"

Parrot #2 startled me out of my ogling with her question. When I looked up, she was giving me a knowing glance, tinted with a hint of _who-do-you-think-you-are_?

"No?" I was a terrible liar, something else the cracked out doctor in Phoenix had tried to diagnose. That guy was a moron.

"It's okay to look. They're beautiful. Especially Edward."

All of the girls at the table sighed dreamily in unison at the sound of his name. That was strange. Was that something they did every time they heard his name?

"Edward," I said experimentally.

They sighed again. Jessica even punctuated it with some fluttering eyelashes.

"But don't get your hopes up," Lauren whined with a pout. "He doesn't date."

"Never?" I asked, eyebrows shooting up to my hairline.

"Never."

Jessica took a break from twitching to jump in the conversation. "The Cullens were all adopted by the town doctor a few years ago. The other four have orgies or something. It's really weird. He's like some matchmaker, kinky sex freak."

"Huh." Nothing about Forks was really surprising me anymore. "And they don't include Edward?" That didn't seem right. And why wouldn't they want to have an orgy with someone as handsome as Lionhead? Especially if his onesie bathing suit had a buttflap.

"I don't think he _wants_ to join," Jessica sighed before turning back to smile scarily at Mikehuahua. He was too busy chewing on his sandwich to notice.

"Apparently no one here is good enough for him. Not even his own siblings," Lauren added. She actually looked sad at that thought, her french-tipped fingers pulling at a loose thread on the cuff of her wet suit.

I officially decided then that Forks sucked way more than I originally thought.

Maybe Felicia and I could escape on the jet ski. Do they make life jackets for guinea pigs?

After an eternity, the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period. I tried to take one more glance at the mysterious Cullens and the

"What class do you have next, Bella?" Mike asked cheerfully.

Pulling the soggy paper out of my pocket, I squinted, trying to make out the smudged ink.

"Bioiagg. Oh, no wait. Biology."

"Me too!" He started hopping around me in circles again, and I bent down to tug at the cuffs of my pants, hoping to protect my ankles. I still wasn't entirely sure he hadn't bit me earlier.

Great. An hour long class with Mikehuahua. Felicia, if I don't survive, I'm sorry.

* * *

NEXT CHAPTER… BIOLOGY. LEAVE A REVIEW.


	3. Chapter 3

_For my pancake. I lub you. And Trogdor is from HomeStarRunner. Look it up.  
_

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CHAPTER THREE: PET HAIR AND ANGRY STARES

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This was really starting to become a problem.

Mike didn't bite my ankle again, because I think he knew I was watching, but he definitely licked one… or maybe licked his thumb and wiped it on my leg. Either way it was disgusting.

I got into the classroom and looked around frantically for an empty desk. Thank Felicia there seemed to be an empty seat that was not next to Mike's table. Even better, the empty seat was next to Edward Cullen. I felt one more quick lick/wipe against my ear, but when I turned around Mikehuahua had already sprinted to his seat. He pouted when I looked at him. What a weirdo.

Turning my attention back to my new seat, I felt a flash of nerves pulse through me. I shook out my hands and wiped the sweat off on my pants before walking over to Edward with as big a smile as I could muster. My face kind of hurt, so I toned it down.

I slid into my seat seductively, but failed and nearly toppled my stool over. I grabbed the desk to get my balance back. Flipping my barely damp hair over my shoulder, I turned my head to Lionheadward and batted my eyelashes. It felt weird, but chicks did it on MTV all the time.

"Hi, Edward. My name is Bella."

Edward turned toward me in slow motion. I was starting to think maybe that was a thing he did to be sexy. His beautiful eyes settled on mine, onion grass planting themselves into my muddy waters… okay, now even I thought that one was a little weird.

I looked down at my shirt really quick, pulling a small piece of guinea pig hair off the fabric. Last thing I needed was for him to think I was a crazy cat lady.

For a few seconds, he sort of smiled. Then he breathed in. At once, his nostrils flared and his pupils dilated sharply. I saw his muscles flex beneath his t-shirt, and I could have sworn I heard a thump under the table from his possibly one leg. He kind of looked like Trogdor the Burninator, but with two beefy arms instead of just one… two beefy arms that I wanted to lick and bite and pull around me tightly while we…

_Calm down, Bella! The kid does NOT look happy to see you right now._

Lionheadward continued to glare at me mercilessly, even after the teacher started the lecture. I tried to avoid his eyes, instead focusing my attention on my particularly detailed drawing of Felicia riding a unicycle. I always thought they were manlier than bicycles.

But even Felicia couldn't distract me from the scary boy snorting hot air onto my neck. I swear I once saw him lick his lips out of the corner of my eye. Did I baste myself with bacon grease or something this morning? I subtly smelled my hand to make sure I hadn't.

The class continued like this for the next hour. Edward's breath had kind of condensed on my neck by the end, leaving drips running down the front of my sweater. I told myself that it was not okay that that kind of turned me on, but I couldn't help it. At least it better than being bitten by Mikehuahua. I doodled, and Edward stared at me. I took notes, and Edward stared at me. I stared him directly in the face, acting bumping my forehead against his like an aggressive cat, and Edward. Just. Stared at me. It was pretty scary.

Finally the bell rang. I planned on yelling at Edward for ruining biology, but he pushed his stool back and hobbled angrily out of the classroom before I could say one word. What an ass! A sexy ass with a nice back and killer hair…

_Seriously, you're freaking _me_ out, Bella._

Mikehuahua scampered up beside me, nudging me in the side with his nose.

"Bella! Bella! What the heckcycle just happened with Edward Cullen? I told you he was a freak, eh?"

I stared at him in annoyance, his not-awesome hair plastered to parts of his forehead. "He's not a freak. He did kind of look at me like he wanted to eat me though."

"Well it's your fault for tasting so good," Mike mumbled.

Ughh, gross. "Um. Excuse me?"

"Nothing! I didn't say anything, especially not about how you taste good. Come on, let me walk you to your next class."

Because apparently even God has a limit on his sense of humor, Mikehuahua was not in my gym class. Instead I got to spend an hour with the parrots. It was almost a relief to listen to them squawk about boys and make-up and girl stuff. That fact made me kind of sad.

As I pummeled innocent bystander after innocent bystander with water polo balls (they had to learn somehow not to pass them to me), I thought about my first day at Forks High School.

I lamented that Mikehuahua seemed to like me so much when my could-be-true love Lionheadward either hated me or wanted me on a platter. I thought about how much I really don't like water, and I pondered whether or not Charlie would teach me how to use my jet ski without falling off. I wondered if Forks had a pet store so I could buy Felicia a lady… and I smacked Jessica Stanley in the face with a polo ball.

"Gosh, Bella, why are you so awful at water polo?" she mumbled through ball swollen lips. Heh. Hehe.

"Sorry," I muttered sheepishly.

I glanced at the clock repeatedly and nearly groaned out loud in relief when the final bell rang.

With my backpack tight on my shoulders and Mikehuahua bouncing uninvited at my side, I plopped my feet through the shallow rain water that had accumulated in the parking lot during the day. Once the old red jet ski was finally in my reach, I smacked Mike in the snout with a rolled up notebook and hopped on. I spotted Lionheadward and his lopsided family limping into their motorboat at the end of the parking lot, but I quickly looked away.

This day blew.

I just wanted to go home and watch Game Show Network with my main man Felicia, and pray that I'd wake up in a world where all of Forks didn't want me for lunch.

* * *

_Thanks for the review. More to come soon. Oh and I wrote a one-shot, so you should go read it._


	4. Chapter 4

_Good people, the lot of you. Watching "Wizard Swears" might help with this one, but you don't have to._

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CHAPTER FOUR: DAILY ROUTINES AND PARKING LOT SCREAMS

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If my first day at Forks High School could be described as bizarre, then the next several school days could be described as some weird sort of purgatory.

Everyone continued to act like borderline loonies, but nothing seemed to be progressing either. I still didn't have any good prospects for friends. I spent every evening chillin' with Felicia and Charlie, except when he was out fishing. It was all so boring in it's insanity.

By the end of my first week, I'd actually stopped noticing when Mikehuahua was bouncing around me. I still noticed when he bit me though. I made sure I was armed with a spray bottle at all times. One squirt to his face and he tended to leave me alone for at least few minutes.

I pretended to follow along when Parrots 1 and 2 chattered at me during and in between classes, talking about… boats or the newest scuba gear or something. I felt sort of bad for not paying attention but they were just so high pitched. I slowly started to figure out how to actually stay on my jet ski instead of tumbling into the water.

One thing I did _not_ do though was think about my stupid biology partner or his stupid hypnotizing hair or his stupid beautiful, limpy family.

Or his beefy arms.

Or his mysteriously empty pant leg…

Okay, that was a total lie.

I thought about him constantly.

I spent most of my lunch period staring dreamily at Lionheadward and his four beautiful siblings, trying to imagine what that four legged orgy must look like. Did he just sit in his room by himself while they got down with their bad selves? I pictured a perfect world where Edward and I would skip/hop away from the others to have our own sexy fiesta.

Yeah, fiesta. For some reason he always wore a sombrero in my fantasies. Sometimes he had a little mustache too.

_Mi león muy atractivo._

Every day in biology, the tables were turned. He glared at me in hungry disgust 97% of the time, complete with one twitching eye a bit of drool on his lip. I forced myself to stay civilized and focused intently on my knitting instead of on his hair. Felicia needed a Halloween costume anyway.

But despite my composed exterior, I was starting to think there was a reason everyone in this town was so crazy.

I looked at Lionheadward and I felt an animalistic urge to tackle him to the floor and mark him with my teeth so everyone else would know that they couldn't have him. I wanted to let him lick my face so he could finally figure out if he wanted to eat me or not. He could take Mikehuahua's place as my ankle lackey. I didn't think it would bother me if it was Lionheadward nipping at my heels.

What would Felicia think of me now? I felt strangely guilty that another man was coming between me and my guinea pig, even if in thoughts only. I'd have to swing by the pet store after school to pick him up a peace offering.

The bell rang, signaling the end of my sixth awkward day of biology, and I couldn't stop myself from kicking Edward's chair hard with the steel toe of my rain boot before stomping out of the room. I internally chastised myself for the mini-outburst, but he just made me so…. ughhh.

Angry wasn't the right word. I didn't usually want to grind on people that pissed me off.

I went through the rest of the day as usual. The parrots worked actively to make sure no water polo balls went near me. I sort of wanted to pat them on the head and feed them crackers. They learned very quickly.

Somehow I seemed to have gained my own unwanted motley crew, because I walked toward the parking lot with Jessica chirping at my side, and Mikehuahua and the toad (who I heard usually went by the name "Eric") hopping excitedly behind us. Whenever Mike tried to touch me, Jessica would find her way between us with a sneer. Whatever. That worked for me.

"He's staring at you, Bella," Jessica said cryptically when we stepped out the building. It was raining pretty hard and the parking lot had turned into a small lake. Thank god the jet ski floated on water. Do jet skis normally float? Well they did in Forks.

"Who's staring at me now?" I groaned. I really didn't need anyone else vying for my attention. My ankles were bruised enough.

She pointed across the lot, where Lionhead was looking at me in obvious frustration. Either that or he was suffering from indigestion.  
I glanced at Jessica with a frown. "Yeah. Edward-"

At the sound of his name, Jessica and at least three other girls within five feet of me sighed girlisly. Oh right, they did that.

"Um. Anyway," I continued, "he stares at me a lot. It's creepy."

_And super mega hot._

Shut up, internal monologue. You're as helpful as Felicia.

I heard a huff from beside me. Jess lassoed an arm around Mikehuahua's neck and lead him across the parking lot without so much as a goodbye. That was kind of rude. Maybe his teeth got too close to me for her liking. The toad looked at me nervously, lifted his camera to snap a close up of my glaring face, and then scampered off after his friends.

With my backpack lifted over my head, I started the tedious walk toward my jet ski. The water level came up to just under my arms. Suddenly someone screamed and a loud voice broke loudly through the falling rain.

"New girl! Watch out!"

Before I could even fully spin toward the noise, I felt something collide with my side under the water. A pair of arms tightened around my waist as I was knocked completely off my feet. My backpack thunked loudly against the surface before sinking out of my sight. Whatever was holding me pulled me under and away, and I could feel the rainwater entering my lungs after a surprised gasp.

I broke the surface again and stood up on my feet, just in time to see a large speed boat crash into a smaller boat… sliding over where I had been walking only moment before.

Water came out of my mouths with heavy coughs as I tried to catch my breath. I nearly collapsed again when Lionheadward Cullen's gorgeous and wet head emerged from the water, his hands still holding my waist.

"Are you alright?" he asked hurriedly. His voice sounded like chamomile tea.

I made some gargling sound in response.

"Bella, are you alright? Can you breathe?"

I shook my head slightly, giggling in stupid awe when water from my hair hit him in the face. "Yes. I can breathe."

Edward sighed loudly in relief and sort of smiled for a second. Then out of nowhere, his eyes went wide. His mouth opened in shock and seeing his tongue just sitting there _really_ wasn't going to help with my fantasies about Señor Cullen here.

"Oh, Voldemort's nipple!" he gasped.

And with… whatever that was, Edward ducked under the water, disappearing before I could even reach to stop him.

Voldemort's nipple indeed.


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE: SETTLED SCORES AND ELEANOR

* ~ * ~ *

I stared at the surface of the rainwater after Edward disappeared, still feeling his hands on my waist. Even though he was gone, his presence lingered in the air. No, seriously. It kind of smelled like a harbor during low tide. I wanted to dive in after him and bury my face into his t-shirt, sucking in deep gulps of his seaweedy scent…

Yep, I was definitely turning into a freak. Forks was contagious.

Before I could think much further, a less welcome set of arms latched onto my side.

"OH MY GOD, BELLA, OH MY GOD! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" Mikehuahua was practically yelling at me, and I had to press my hands to my ears to make the ringing stop.

"Mike, I'm _fine_. Calm down."

Over his whimpering, I heard the sound of excited splashes stomping toward us. Jessica, Lauren, and a few other creatures jumped toward me, and I found myself at the bottom of a soggy dog pile. They squeaked different questions at me. To my surprise, though, none of them mentioned my lop-legged savior. I wasn't sure if they just didn't see him or if they were too distracted by my almost-death.

"How the heck did you get out of the way in time?" Eric croaked. His glasses were fogged up, so he wiped them off on his t-shirt. Of course his shirt was drenched so that epic failed.

Everyone stared at me expectantly. Huh. I guess they really _didn_'t see Edward. Whatever he had done to save me was… strange. He swam faster than any human could, and he seemed to have the ability to go underwater for long periods of time without swimming. Oh, and the leg thing too. For some reason, I felt the need to protect his secret. So I lied.

"Magic?"

I never said I lied well.

Mikehuahua wiped his nose with the front of his paw. "Well, that makes sense." The rest of them mumbled in agreement. That was easier than I expected.

I appeased their curiosity for a few more seconds, but I really just wanted to leave. I gave them some kind of goodbye and hopped over to my jet ski. Today was messing with my head, and all I wanted to do was shoot to the pet store. Maybe playing guinea pig matchmaker could distract me from my own love life… as strange and oceanic as it might be.

Twenty minutes later, I tied my jet ski to the post in our front pond and stepped into the house with a box in hand. The shop had given me a discount, two guinea pigs for the price of one. Apparently they were brother and sister and refused to be separated. I also picked up a feather on a string and some treats. I was the best mom ever. Felicia owed me big time.

"Felicia, I'm home!" I announced, skipping eagerly over to his cage. He twitched his nose at me, looking like one fierce bitch in the sweater I'd knitted him yesterday. "Have I got a surprise for you." Reaching into the box, I grabbed the black guinea pig with the white patches and set her into the cage. "Meet Eleanor."

Felicia was not a very grateful guinea pig.

As soon as Eleanor set foot on the wood shaving covered floor, he freaked out. He blinked once and backed up slowly into his pink igloo until he was completely out of sight. What a scaredy pig.

Eleanor on the other hand look around the decked out cage and started screeching. She sounded like Jessica and Lauren, and I panicked.

Oh my god, I bought a demonic guinea pig.

"What the bajesus is your problem, Eleanor?!" I quickly set Felix, the brother guinea pig, into the cage and dug through my purse frantically for the treats. But by the time I found them, the noises had stopped and Felix and Eleanor were bumping noses like old pals. Felicia got a whiff of Felix and scooted out of his hiding spot, staring curiously at the new pair of siblings from a safe distance.

And I sat on the couch, daydreaming hopelessly about Edward and his scent and his beefy arms and his ill-fitting jeans and the fact that I wanted to attack his hair with a comb.

There was definitely something in the air at Forks.

* * *

I was practically shaking with nerves and desire and a shot of 5 hour energy by the time I'd arrived to school the next day. I woke up to find Felicia cuddling up to Felix in their cage while Eleanor dozed on top of the igloo. I wasn't even gonna go there.

From my spot in the parking lot, I couldn't see the Cullen's boat yet. I had no idea what I was going to say to him when I did see him.

When did you become such a good swimmer?

How did you manage to get me out of the way in time?

Can I lick your face?

None of those seemed appropriate.

Unfortunately, I didn't have much more time to think. Their shiny, silver boat pulled into the parking swamp, driven by one of his sisters. Lionheadward stepped out and looked as glorious as he had the day before. My heart sputtered when I remembered his strong touch, his intense stare.

Part of me wanted to forget the entire incident. I could ask to see his footie pajama swimwear, or see if he wanted to go wading in the tide pools by Port Angeles. We could fall madly in weirdo love and spend the rest of our days in a houseboat in the countryside.

But a much stronger part of me just couldn't let it go. The entire situation was too… weird to ignore it. He sped-swam underwater, shoving me away from the death boat and speeding off before I could even ask him how he did it. I deserved answers, right? Right.

When he was a few feet away, I took a deep breath and stood up straighter. People listen to someone with good posture. That's was Renee always taught me.

"Lio- Edward we need to talk."

Before he could even look my way, the blond lady Cullen stepped between us and glared at me, bearing her perfect teeth. She was five inches taller than me with perfect skin, and I tried not to cower. She was a little bit terrifying.

"Leave him alone, new girl! God!" she screeched.

Blond girl Cullen grabbed Lionheadward by the beefy arm, yanking him past me without another glance. Our eyes met for a brief moment. He almost looked sad before his expression cleared and he turned around, limping toward the school with his family members.

Well…

That didn't go as planned.  


* * *

_Awkward serious moment: your reviews are boss. Plus my one-shot was Mozzer0906's choice for that contest thing. Cool stuff. _


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX: PICK UP STICKS

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Blond girl Cullen was such a cow.

All I wanted to do was talk to Lionheadward and maybe lick his face a little bit, and she pushed him away from me before he could talk. Then she spent the entire lunch period pretending she could shoot laser beams at me with her eyes.

Maybe she was just angry because there wasn't any grass in Forks. A cow would get cranky without any grass.

Luckily - crap, did I just say luckily? - Mikehuahua was all too eager to distract me and tell me all about his afternoon.

"So then I walked into my house and then I put my coat on the coatrack and then my mom said _Mike! You're home!_ And then I said _SHUT UP, MOM_ and then my dad told me to stop being such a wanker and go get the tennis ball from the yard and then I told him_ duh, dad, we don't have a yard, just a lake _and then he told me to stop being a wanker again and I went swimming for the ball but my dog got to it first, and I really don't know why he kept calling me a wanker because he's never even _watched_ BBC-"

"Hey Jess," I shouted over his rambling. "Can we go to Port Angeles tonight?"

"Why?"

"I need to buy some grass."

Maybe if I helped Rosalie pull the stick out of her ass, make sure she was well fed, then she would let me slither up to Edward. His beefy arm was full of secrets that I was dying to find out.

I also needed to get a new cage for the guinea pigs. With Felicia and Felix shacking up, I didn't want Eleanor to be the third wheel. They needed a bigger one with at least two rooms. The one in Port Angeles was supposed to be huge, and maybe they'd even have some tiny couches and lamps so I could bring some fung shui to the place.

Felicia was a picky dude.

"You want to buy grass?" Jessica asked slowly, like that didn't make sense at all… which it didn't, of course. Who the heck buys grass?

_Think fast, Bella, think fast._

"And, er… lip gloss?"

"OH MY GOD," she squawked, flapping her arms. "I love lip gloss oh my god, WE SHOULD GET LAUREN TO COME WITH US AND WE'LL ALL BUY MAKE-UP AND GET MAKEOVERS AND LOOK LIKE PRETTY PRINCESSES AND I CAN BORROW MY DAD'S MOTORBOAT AND-"

Lauren joined in on the squeaking, and that was just perfect. Now Mikehuahua and the Parrots were all rambling at the same time. My lunch table has turned into a very loud zoo. Thank god for Eric. At least toads were quiet. He just blinked a lot.

I flipped up the hood of my sweatshirt to dull the noise and spaced out over to Señor Cullen and his crazy family. They were staring at different spots on the wall, failing hard at trying to look distracted. Well, except Rosalie, of course, who was still glaring at me. That cow.

* * *

I didn't really know what to expect when I walked into biology. My hopes sunk a little bit when Lionheadward wasn't waiting for me with a mariachi band and a sign saying _I'M SORRY FOR SWIMMING AWAY FROM YOU AND HERE'S WHY I'M SO WEIRD AND AWESOME_. He would have looked weird with a mustache, anyway.

His caterpillar-colored eyes were focused intently on his notes, and gah, he was just so pretty. I wanted to comb my fingers through his eyebrows and play with his hair, which was looking particularly springy today. It seems he had tossed and turned a lot last night, because it resembled one of those brooms you keep by the fireplace. Except, you know, bronzeish in color.

I plopped down onto my stool and started my typical pattern of creepin' on him from the corner of my eye.

"Students!" Mr. Banner cheered excitedly, "Today we are doing some microscope work! You'll be examining the differences between different types of animal hair, particularly human, dog, cat, and guinea pig."

Both Lionheadward and I sat up straight at the same time.

"Pass these out and get to work. You have the class period to finish."

He walked to the first lab table and set down the box. Mikehuahua and Jessiparrot grabbed their slides and passed it back. The plastic thwacked onto the table and made me cringe. All the blood drained from my face to my toes. I couldn't do this. No way, uh uh.

"What's wrong," Edward growled through superclenched teeth. I didn't know what his issue was, but I definitely knew mine.

"I'm ridiculously allergic to cats," I whispered. "Just looking at those slides is going to make my arms all itchy." I could already see the red splotches forming on my forearms, and I crinkled a paper in my fist to stop myself from scratching.

I mean there was a reason I had guinea pigs. Felicia was badass, but they weren't exactly cool pets for a teenager.

"Mr. Banner?" Edward said suddenly, his voice louder than I'd ever heard it, except that day when he saved me from the boat.

"Yes, Mr. Cullen?"

"Bella's not feeling well." My whole body tingled when he said my name. I hoped I wasn't having a stroke. That would suuuck. "Do you mind if I walk her to the nurse?"

Mr. Banned paled. "Yes, please do that." He walked back to his desk and mumbled, "Stupid inability to look at vomit. I could have been the best doctor in Forks instead of a teacher to these stupid little turds."

"Shall we?" Edward said quietly, pulling my attention away from the highly inappropo comments of my teacher. He extended his hand, arm flexing with even that simple movement and I almost gasped. Edward was going to touch me. _He _was going to touch _me_. Skin to skin awesomeness.

Carefully, I reached out and touched my hand to his, warmth flooding my body even though his hand was kind of clammy and a little scaly. He shrugged both of our bags over his other arm and led me out the door to the hallway. My arm was still itchy, but pshh, I didn't care. My insides were having a fiesta.

"Thanks, Edward," I said shyly. I walked beside him as he awk-hopped out the door.

"You know, we really can't be friends, Bella," he said after a second.

Well, that was random and crushing.

"Uhhh."

"It's wrong," he continued. "We're too different, and Rosalie might bite your face off if she even knew I was talking to you right now. It's just... so... hard for me to ignore you every day. I want to be mean to you, but I just can't. I'm drawn to you. You're the neon blue light to my horsefly, the peanut butter sticky trap to my mouse."

What a douche. I still wanted to lick him, though.

Letting go of my hand, he reached for my shoulder, plucking off a single guinea pig hair that had managed to cling to my sweater. He looked at it wistfully and brought it to his face. If I didn't know better, I would have _sworn_ that he sniffed it. Okay, so he wasn't just a douche and a weirdo. He was a little creepy too.

_Note to self, don't let Eduardo anywhere near Felicia and company._

"We're going to Port Angeles _andyoushouldcome_," I squeaked out quickly, not even sure why I was inviting him. He just said that he was trying to be mean to me, but I was blinded by the thought of seeing his buttflap. I was the worst kind of woman, practically reading to strip and tell him to do me right here in the hallway.

"I don't need any lip gloss," he said, his mouth turning up in a Cheshire grin. "But thanks for the invite."

My brow furrowed as we walked down the hallway.

How did he know we were going to buy lip gloss?

Why did Rosalie want to eat my face?

What the heck was wrong with this town?

_

* * *

So I took a three months break. Whoops._


	7. Chapter 7

_For my pancake on her big two-oh. And it's… well, longer._

CHAPTER SEVEN: RENIGS AND GUINEA PIGS

* ~ * ~ *

After Lionheadward rejected me both before and after I asked him to hang out, I took to brooding.

I brooded as the nurse gave me an antihistamine.

I brooded in gym class, completely ignoring both Mikehuahua and the tennis ball that Lauren may have whacked at my head on purpose.

I brooded on the jet ski ride home, refusing to look in the general direction of Edward's car when I made it to the parking lot. I didn't need another death glare from Blonde Cow Cullen, and I really wasn't up for one of Lionhead's creepy ubersex stares.

I brooded as I fluffed up Felicia's hair. I had knitted him a real tough guy dinosaur suit. With his poofy hair fluffed up around his head, he looked like a combination of a lion (even though I was so not thinking about lions right now) and a velociraptor. I hoped maybe it would help him look tough in front of his lady… well, man love Felix.

The sight of my Felicia prancing around his cage in his new outfit should have made me happy.

But no.

I just brooded. My mouth was starting to hurt from all the pouting.

I was still brooding when the piercing sound of excited squawks came through my door, followed by an ever more excited knock. Rubbing my hands over my face, and accidentally getting guinea pig fur on my nose, I grabbed my purse and made my way to the front door.

"BELLA!" Jessica shrieked, before yanking me onto the porch. "OH MY GOD, WE ARE SO EXCITED TO GO SHOPPING."

Lauren nodded fervently. "You really need make-up so badly. Your face is kind of pasty, like old fish skin."

"Thanks, Lauren," I grumbled.

"No problem! If you want any more advice, you also need some defrizzer for your hair, cause that mop on your head looks a little ridiculous."

She was such a doll.

Adjusting my rain boots until they were as high as they would go, I clomped over to the shiny speedboat parked at the end of our so-called-driveway. I patted my jet ski, waved a silent goodbye to my guinea pigs, and crawled over the edge of the boat. My feet splashed muddy water all over the backseat.

"BELLA," Jessiparrot squealed, "be careful! This is my dad's favorite boat! It's his child!" She flapped her arms as she maneuvered into the driver's seat with surprising grace. I guess she was more like a flamingo than a parrot.

"Don't you mean it's like his child?"

Both Laurrot and Jessingo shook their heads like crazy. "No, he legally adopted it last Christmas. You're sitting in my little brother Stevie," Jessica said, patting the dashboard affectionately.

This town, I swear to Felicia.

"And he let you bring it?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, he doesn't know I have it, obviously."

"Oh, like in Ferris Bueller?" They both stared at me blankly. "When Ferris takes Cam's dad's ferrari out for a joyride?"

"What the flippermonkey are you talking about?" Lauren spat out, dropping her head. "God, Bella, you're so weird. BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER CAUSE WE'RE GETTING LIP GLOSS!"

Jessica started squealing back, and the two of them chattered about something as we took off down the watery road.

"Joy," I muttered.

Then I brooded some more.

* * *

By the time we pulled into the harbor at Port Angeles, my head felt like it was going to explode. The talking didn't stop the entire way there. I'd learned more about lip gloss and the way Tyler-who-tried-to-take-me-out-with-his-boat kissed than I ever wanted to know. Just thinking about one of the Parrots swapping spit with that kid made me shiver.

Do parrots have spit? Wow, so not important, Bella.

The three of us loaded out of the boat, Jessica lingering behind to anchor the boat to the dock. She tied the rope into a tight knot, before running over to me and Lauren.

"So what's going on with you and Edward," Lauren asked, voice breaking into a giggle as she said his name.

Jessica girly-sighed.

I brooded.

"Nothing."

Lauren's jaw dropped so much that I think she probably could have fit her fist in her mouth. "What do you mean nothing? Jess said Mike said he walked you out of biology today and touched you! That's huge!"

I shrugged, trying not to think about the butterflies in my stomach thinking about his hand. Though they weren't really like butterflies. They were ugly and annoying and wouldn't lead to anything good… like moths. Yes. Lionheadward gave me moths in my stomach.

"So? I felt sick. He was just being nice."

"But Edward is never nice to anyone!" Jessica said, stomping her foot. Her boot smashed into a puddle and water splashed all over my legs. "He totally likes you, I can tell."

"He does not."

"He does," Lauren said. I think her eye was twitching a little bit.

"Guys, seriously," I groaned, feeling my cheeks turn the color of grapefruit pulp. I needed to change the subject, something that would distract both Jessingo and Laurrot. "And… errr… uhh, lipgloss and Tyler and Mikehua- uhh, Mike Newton?"

That did the trick.

"I think Mike is going to ask you to the Spring Formal, Jess," Lauren said, her own face turning a weird shade of orange—her blush trying to shine it's way through the fake tan. "And Tyler is definitely going to ask me. WE SHOULD GET A LIMO BOAT! My dad would totally get us one, but you really need to ask Mike not to sniff my mom again, cause that really weirded her…"

I zoned out as they chattered back and forth.

I nodded when they yelled questions at me, let them slather my face with make-up without any complaint (the likely rain would probably wash it away anyway, so I didn't care), and pretended like I wasn't caught up in thoughts of that stupid, confusing, beefy-armed hunk.

Both Lauren and Jessica thought he liked me, Heck, before he said said we couldn't be friends, I kind of thought Edward liked me. I thought maybe he wouldn't be opposed to showing me his buttflap… or wearing a sombrero and dancing for me… or asking his siblings to be out mariachi band while the two of us rolled around in the water together…

_I'm such a fantasizing hussy. What would Felicia think of me now?_

Actually my pet/main-man was so distracted with his new furry love that he probably hadn't even noticed how weird I was acting. Man, even Felicia was being a bit of a douche lately.

Eventually I couldn't be around their high pitched voices anymore. When Lauren had her head buried in a pile of shoes, I turned to Jess and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Since I already got my make-up," I said, holding up the bag that contained more frightening and sparkly shades of lip gloss than I wanted to think about, "do you mind if I go look for a book store?" Guinea Pig Aficionado had mentioned a new book in the news letter about guinea pig psychology, and I wanted to check it out. Anything to distract me from my ridiculously-not-happening love life.

Her face scrunched up like she'd been sucking on a warhead. "You read books?" Ooookay, so I guess Jessingo and I would never bond over classic literature. Or knitting. She didn't seem the kind of person to knit.

"Uhh, I need to get a book about taking care of my pets," I said self-consciously.

"Oh! Do you have a kitten? Or a puppy! A lizard?" Suddenly she started clapping and squeaking again, "Oooh, or an alpaca!!!"

I stared into space, momentarily distracted by the image of an alpaca wearing a snorkeling mask. Shaking my head, I looked back to her expectant face. "I have guinea pigs, actually."

"Ew."

I huffed, needing to get away before I clawed her eyes out in the name of Felicia.

"I'll meet you guys at the diner in an hour, okay?"

Before she could say anything else, I quickly walked out the door onto the boardwalk, leaving her and Lauren squawking behind me.

* * *

Sixty minutes later, I realized my mistake.

I had no idea where the fracking bookstore was.

My raincoat was doing little to keep me dry as the mist continued to bombard my face. It felt like I was being attacked by a squirt bottle, the kind I used to tell Felicia to stop chewing on my shoes.

I'd wandered away from the boardwalk ten minutes ago, moving up and down the blocks in an attempt to find out, but nothing was sticking out. The water was growing deeper, and my socks were soaked with water that had splashed over the tops of my rain boots.

The bookstore was becoming less important.

I just wanted to find my way back.

I missed my couch.

I missed my trio of pigs.

Heck, I even missed Jessica and Lauren, even if I did have make-up smeared all over my face right now because of them. I'm sure I looked like some kind of demented clown after spending so much time in the drizzle.

I was so distracted that I didn't even notice the three guys waiting at the corner at the end of the block until one of them spoke.

"Where you headed to, Sand dollar?"

I looked up briefly to see the men, all of them around thirty years of age. The one who had spoken had a thick beard and a captains hat while the other two resembled old timey pirates.

After my quick analysis, I chose to ignore them, continuing to look around for some kind of sign that I was near the bookstore. Or any non-scary civilization at this point.

"Oh don't be like that, octopus. We just asked a simple question," the one that looked like Smee from Peter Pan said.

"Please, just let me be," I whimpered, trying to move past them. The beard one grabbed my arm, making me shriek, andpulled me back toward him. This was bad.

"Why are you so worried, my little starfish? We just want to show you a good time, maybe take you aboard our ship. Captain Jess will be happy to have you." So the bearded one was named Jess, and talked about himself in the third person. I guess I wasn't the only one to have gender confusions with my names. At least Felicia was a better boy name than Jess.

"Go away," I snarled, trying to act tougher than I was and twisting away from his arm. The third one just grabbed me instead.

Again, this was bad. Bad bad bad bad bad. Felicia help me, I was in trouble.

Please don't let me be kidnapped by pirates. I don't think Charlie or Felicia could take it.

"Sea monkey, there you are!" an achingly familiar voice called from behind me. I quickly turned around and almost sobbed in relief when I saw the beautiful mane of bronze hair emerging from the shadows. All three men backed up as he came closer. He hopped awkwardly toward me, easily tossing his arm over my shoulder when he reached me. I buckled under his weight until he completely regained his balance.

"Arrgh, who are you?" The tall, beardy one asked.

"I'm her boyfriend," Edward snarled back. "Do you have a problem with that, Blackbeard?"

My heart skipped at least four beats, and the moths fluttered around my stomach as if someone had just turned on a porch light. I didn't even care why he was here, or that he was making me feel like a home for bugs. I was just happy he was here.

_Yo ho, yo ho, no pirate's life for me._

Though I don't think I'd mind if Edward wore an eye-patch. Man, I really have a problem staying focused.

"No problem at all, matey. But I'd keep a better eye on your girl if I were you."

"I don't think that'll be a problem," he sneered, turning us around and leading us away from the ruffians. Once we were out of earshot, I turned my head closer to him, only paying a little bit of attention to how awesome he smelled and the fact that he was still touching me.

"Thank you for saving me," I whispered, nuzzling closer to him. I swear I only did it out of fear… well, mostly out of fear.

"It's what friends do."

"I thought you said we couldn't be friends," I squeaked out, trying to calm my racing heart as he limply lead me back to the boardwalk.

He chuckled, the non-beefy arm around my shoulders tightening with the movement.

"I changed my mind. And I'm going to take you to dinner."

Holy Christmas socks. This boy was going to give me a headache.


End file.
